My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
