I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
