I CAN MOONWALK!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
