the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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