"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sober January is a disaster.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
