My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
someone owes me an orgasm
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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