you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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