Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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