I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
