I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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