he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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