your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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