Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
