after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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