Apparently you make a good broom.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
