You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
