i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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