I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
