my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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