Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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