Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
