he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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