Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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