Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
