Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
