So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
