I have demons in me.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
