HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I see more hoeing in ur future
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