Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
