i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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