I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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