I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
