where am i from again
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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