Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
