remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
