walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
