I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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