You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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