i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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