Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
