bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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