he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
