When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
