I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
