in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
