Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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