I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I got chris browned last night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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