I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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