He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
