How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Randomize
