we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
