Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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