also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We talked him into tasing himself.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
