allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there was a trapeze. enough said
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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