she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
