Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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