the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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