Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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