Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
