I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
