They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
