I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
