somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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