Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
