Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
