found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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