I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize