I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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