Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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